Reclaiming Our Funerals September 2006
We
are not indispensable. You don’t need a funeral director strutting around like
a peacock. Geoffrey Hall, Funeral
Director
Principle 1 – The funeral is the
community ritual of the living.
A funeral can be a wonderfully creative event if a family is aware of
its possibilities. We need
to reclaim our funerals, a heritage that is rightly ours. Those days leading up
to the funeral are a vital and sacred period when family and friends can gather
in the presence of the deceased, and with tears, laughter, sorrow, forgiveness
and healing, grieve, pray, reminisce, console and celebrate a life which has
now entered eternity. The funeral process is not the sole prerogative of the
deceased, whose wishes should always be respected. Family and friends have a
right to grieve in their own way for a deceased person. The final decisions
about funerals belong to the living.
Basic
steps to be taken
·
body
to be washed and laid out – relatives and friends notified
·
appoint
someone to be in charge of funeral proceedings
·
casket/coffin
to be built or purchased
·
newspaper
notice to be written (take death certificate to newspaper office).
·
choose
site and organise
vigil/service and someone to preside
·
arrange
for cremation at crematorium, or burial with the local Council
·
post
to Births, Deaths and Marriages office (1) statutory form RG 28 and (2) death
certificate
Most
extended families can do all the important things required for a funeral. It’s mainly a matter of education,
confidence and support. Preparation
beforehand is vital. Families should shop around for a good
price. They should ask for
itemised quotes. That is not being
mean spirited. It simply
recognises that money is at the heart of the funeral business.
Principle
2 – Normally families should discuss alternative funeral possibilities in
advance of a death. Given heightened emotions, afterwards can often be too
late.
There
are options regarding funerals available to those who choose them. You do not need to have a complete
traditional funeral. You DO need to talk things through
well in advance of death if you wish to have anything alternative, so that your
family and friends are in tune with the idea. And you do need to bury or cremate a deceased person in an
approved place, observing some very simple but basic rules.
(For further information contact Funeral Choice, P O Box 33-135, Christchurch, or email jim.conse@xtra.co.nz or robert@waitangi.co.nz, or apply for a free e-book from corcoran@xtra.co.nz)
PRACTICAL POINTERS
Funerals are
conducted in order that the family and community might grieve properly and
honour the dead. The family
usually decides what form it will take.
Sometimes this occurs in consultation with the deceased prior to death. Occasionally a conflict develops with
what the deceased wanted/requested and what is appropriate for the family and
community. Always respectful of
such requests, in such cases it can appropriate to ignore the request of the
deceased. The funeral ritual belongs primarily to the living.
It is a
time-honoured tradition to bring the deceased either back home or to a family
member’s home for the days prior to the funeral. Here people can gather freely
and privately to express their grief, share their stories and honour the
deceased. Often an informal vigil
service is held in the home on the eve of the funeral. Stories can be told,
songs sung, prayers said, honour paid. It creates a great opportunity for
adults to grieve openly in their own time and for children to learn about death
and dying in familiar surroundings.
Given
the temperate weather of New Zealand, embalming is normally not necessary. A body will maintain reasonable
condition for three to four days.
However, should the weather be really hot or humid, embalming is an
appropriate option. This can be
done by a funeral director and should take no longer than two or three hours.
There are also several modern-day reasons why embalming may be appropriate and
they relate to hygiene. The threat
of Hepatitis B and AIDS antibodies are removed upon embalming. Cancer victims often deteriorate
quickly and embalming can be appropriate.
You
should be aware that victims of road, industrial and water accidents are often
in a visually distressing condition.
They can look awful. In
such circumstances, a funeral director can be very helpful in preparing the
body. The family may not always
wish to see the deceased if the body has deteriorated or has been badly
mutilated.
Few
adequate funerals are available for less than $3,000 and many cost well over
$6,000. Yet funerals need not be
so expensive if families have made some preparations to reclaim their
traditional rights to bury their dead and not leave it all to the
professionals. An all-up funeral
could cost as little as the price of the burial plot ($828 or $1370 dug) or
cremation fee ($700/800) if the family do the other services required. Depending on location, a full funeral
could be kept as low as $1200/1500.
When
purchased from an undertaker, caskets can range from $400 to $5,000, with $800
the average. Family members can
make one. A simple home-made wooden casket made from customwood lined with
linen/cotton and plastic (no PVCs for cremations) can be adequate. But you can
order one from a funeral director. (Or in Christchurch you can order from mikef@yahoo.com , phone 03
332 9192.)
In
the case of a sudden or unexplained death, an autopsy is required by law before
cremation or burial is allowed to proceed. The police have to be notified. They
refer it to the coroner.
Every
adult with disposable property should have a Will. It is complicated if you die without one.
Assistance
from Work and Income NZ may be available to assist toward the cost of a funeral.
For an application form or copy of their pamphlets, free phone 0800 552 002 or visit
their website www.workandincome.govt.nz
.This grant may be available to the partner, child, parent or guardian of someone
who has died to help towards the cost of the funeral. The grant of $1662.58 (as
at 1 April 2006) is income and asset tested. For more information please cal
free phone 0800 559 009. War funeral grants are available – apply to the
War Pensions Unit free phone 0800 533 003. If ACC has accepted
a claim, they can help pay for funeral costs up to a maximum of $4975 (1 July
2006).